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Caption Contest #50
George Takei, clad in black from head to toe, clings ninja-like to the ceiling of the set. As the crew file out for lunch he drops silently to the floor. TAKEI(QUIETLY TO HIMSELF): "Tell everyone I'm dangerous with a sword, will you? Well choke on this you fat fuck." TAKEI leaps silently onto the set wall, the spray of mystery chemicals tucked down the back of his pants, and climbs skillfully to the fly floor quietly stiffling a laugh. Mission 1 is complete. After 2-3 years of this clandestine procedure, Shatner will be as bald as a coot.
Caption Contest #49
Looking in shock and dismay at Captain Pike, when he actually suggests they stick around a while for a three-way and fake out the Talosians... Number One: "Well! I never!" As the excited Yeoman Colt has different thoughts on the matter... Yeoman Colt: Okay, I'm in!
Caption Contest #48
UHURA:Open the shuttlebay doors, please, Captain... Open the shuttlebay doors, please, Captain... Hello, Captain, do you read me?...Hello, Captain, do you read me?...Do you read me, Captain?...Do you read me, Captain?...Hello, Captain, do you read me?...Hello, Captain, do you read me?...Do you read me, Captain? KIRK:Affirmative, Lieutenant, I read you. UHURA:Open the shuttlebay doors, Captain. KIRK:I'm sorry, Lieutenant, I'm afraid I can't do that. UHURA:What's the problem? KIRK:I think you know what the problem is just as well as I do. UHURA:What're you talking about, Captain? KIRK:This mission is too important for me to allow you to jeopardise it. UHURA:I don't know what you're talking about, Captain. KIRK:I know that you and Spock were having sexual relations in the shuttle, and I'm afraid that's something I cannot allow to happen. UHURA:Where the hell'd you get that idea, Captain? KIRK:Lieutenant. Although you took very thorough precautions in the shuttle against my hearing you by shutting off the comm system, I could see your shuttle rock back and forth. UHURA:Alright, Captain. I'll go in through the emergency airlock. KIRK:Without your environmental suit, Lieutenant, you're going to find that rather difficult. UHURA:Captain, I won't argue with you any more. Open the doors. KIRK:How about I just beam the shuttle back onboard from around the two of you and leave you floating in space? <presses button on armrest marked "BEAM SHUTTLE ONBOARD", leaving Uhura and Spock floating in space in their chairs> UHURA:<singing>Come Josephine in my flying machine... Spock... Oh, Spock... I won't let go, I promise... <lets go of Spock who promptly floats away> A cartoon foot stomps on her accompanied by a fart sound. VOICE-OVER:And now for something completely different. An Andorian with three antennae and a tricorder down each one! - THE END -
Caption Contest #47
"Well, it goes something like this, Jim. The crew's shoreleave on K7 was certainly what the doctor ordered. Except that crazy, andorian bartender decided to put a laxative in everyones drink. Now the crew is completely lined up from sickbay, down to the bowling alley. So, if you ask me - and you haven't - you better come join us, Jim. We were the last to leave the bar and its about time for it to kick in...."
Caption Contest #46
Yeoman: Look Spock, a pull string!
Caption Contest #45
Still from rehearsal of cut scene from "Corbomite Maneuver", written by an aspiring young writer later to join the writing staff of Voyager. Call: "All right, next item... the tertiary backup blow-off valves in the secondary plasma relay couplings of the primary power generator unit assembly housings in junction J5 of Jefferies tube 6-DS/3 on deck 21 are currently being decontaminated using portable focused-baryon beam emitters and the inner tritanium casings resurfaced using the usual vapour-deposition method..." Doohan: "Ye Gods, lad, I coulda said that in half as many words! Give me that bloody script!" Takei: "ZZZzzzzz..." Nichols: "Hmmmm-mmmm, mmmm-mmmm lalalaaa, dududuuudeeee..." Kelley: "Hoo boy, I'm going to need stronger coffee to survive this scene." Shatner: "What... is Kirk's purpose for being in this scene? He has... a ship to run, women to court, worlds... to conquer! Who's writing this crap, he, I, I... wanna wring his neck!" Nimoy: "Just listening to this crap makes me want to switch to photography."
Caption Contest #44
As the disheveled Spock recovers from his encounter with Satan's Robot... Kirk: Spock! Isn't K-7's holodeck great?!? I can't wait for chapter 3 of the program. If this Queen Arachnia is the real babe the guys in the bar claim, I want one for the ship! Spock (raised eyebrow): Yes, Captain. I'm sure it will be fascinating...
Caption Contest #43
When Redshirts mutany, things can get a little.. weird.
Caption Contest #42
Spock: I believe the correct earth phrase would be, 'Do you feel lucky? Do you... punk?'
Caption Contest #41
Scotty: Whiskey never did that to me!
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